Just some thoughts...

I have been struggling recently over some mistakes I have made in my life, both past and present. Little 'reminders' keep popping up all over the place, and I get scared and confused. The Adversary has been playing this game for centuries...eternities even...and he is really good at it. But so is God. In fact, God is better. He will always be the Best. Because, in these times when I get confused...when I get scared... I go to Him. I pray for comfort. And I get Angry! (Trust me, there is a point to this ramble) Which makes me more confused and scared. I think, "Ok, Father. I know you're there. What am I supposed to do now? I don't like these feelings. I don't like these reminders, taunting me, making me feel like I've already failed before I've begone. I don't like feeling like I've had a history of failure, because I know that's not true. So where are you now? Can the clouds part or something so that I at least know you are there? Yes? No? Oh come on!!"
I had gone on a walk to my special, sacred place that I always when I need to think and clear my head. It is a slab of concrete over a canal up a long dirt road, and I can be alone and feel the air, and breath deeply without the distractions of the mechanical world. Well, my head wasn't clearing. I was getting more frustrated, waiting for an answer. I was losing patience, till I finally decided to head back home. It was on that long walk back home that I got my answer.
My answer was...That I already knew the answer...I knew He was there. I didn't need some clouds parting or angels and halleluiah chorus's to confirm what I already knew. See? God is REALLY good at this 'Game.' Mostly because, we are not a game to Him. He lets us learn from our mistakes. He lets us take a step back and assess the answers we already know. I was letting myself be distracted and distancing myself from my Heavenly Father, even when I thought that it was the other way around. It helped so much to come back Home that day and re-read the blog posts I have written so far. To see my testimony written down, and have my Heart tell me that this IS what I believe. This IS what I KNOW. I know that before the biggest changing moments and turning points in my life, it seemed the darkest. It seemed the most confusing and I had to take a step forward through that darkness, hoping, believing, and then knowing that there was light ahead.
He teaches us we can Learn from our mistakes. Satan says that we cannot and therefore throws these reminders in our faces and makes us feel that the weaknesses of the past will never let us have a future. But the beautiful thing is...he is WRONG. The enabling power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ, our Lord and Savior, allows us to overcome our mistakes, to move on from the past, and create a bright future full of faith, hope, light, and love. The Atonement of Jesus Christ gives us Life.
That being said, it is definitely not going to be an easy one, but we are LIVING and He is always LOVING us, and will ever LEAD us on. It is a constant fight, but as a good Bishop of mine once said, WE ARE WINNING!
I love my Savior and my Heavenly Father so much! In so many ways, I would not be here without them. I am thankful for the many blessings in my life and the people who love me in-spite of my flaws. I know that with my Savior by my side, I can accomplish the mission to which He and our Father has called Me. Although it is hard to see through the darkness sometimes, I know the Light is there, and always will be.

With So much Love,
Future Sister Holly Howell