On this day of Thanks...

I got to spend the day with my family, extended and immediate. As usual we made too many pies-17 was the number I heard. I didn't count personally. Probably one pie for every person who came! I am not much of a "thanksgiving" food fan, but my aunt made these delicious roles, and I was an instant fan girl. We watched a good movie together and spent time listening to Christmas music.
My list should be longer. And I'm not perfect yet (I know I never will be in this life). No big announcement this week. In fact, things will be further delayed do to this Day of Thanks. I hate to see this cycle repeat itself over and over, and am well aware that I do it to myself. I guess I'm still trying to figure out the lesson I'm supposed to learn from all of this. His plan. My plan. Sometimes I think they are the same, but I don't see it play through and once again I get discouraged.

Church last Sunday was all about submitting our will to His. There was a story of a man who was given the commandment to push on a rock all the days of his life. At the end of his life, he stood discouraged before his Savior.
"Lord, I pushed that rock everyday of my life, and I was never able to move it. Not even an inch. Why Lord? Why did you have me push this rock if you knew I could never move it?"
The Savior looked lovingly at the man, and placed his strong hand on his shoulder reassuringly. "You were not required to move the rock. That is my Job. You were only required to push."

Maybe this is the same for all of us. Having the faith to "push against our rocks every day." Rocks are rough. The are hard. They are heavy to bear. Sometimes they take everything from you, and then some. Satan wants us to think that we have to do it by ourselves. That we can't do it at all. That were not strong enough to do it. That doing it isn't worth it. That it's stupid and not cool to push rocks. But that's because he knows he can wrangle us in by building our pride. By telling us we're failures. By calling us weak. Telling us we shouldn't was our time.

Satan knows our weaknesses. But so does Christ. And Christ can make weak things become strong unto us.
My pride may be getting in the way of this whole learning process. Perhaps I lost sight of the purpose of a mission and became more focused on the Call. Became more concerned with the honors of men more than the glories of God. I've been thinking this last week of opening my call by myself in a sacred, private place, to share the special moment between me and my Heavenly Father. I did have this whole plan set up, but what if that is not what He wants me to do? I've been more focused on what I wanted that perhaps I have missed the Will and wants of my Heavenly Father.

I still don't know. But I hope my call is coming. And I do know my Heavenly Father loves me. In that I can trust, and for that I am thankful.

Happy Thanksgiving,
Future Sister Holly Howell

Ready for ASSIGNMENT!!!

"So your status has changed to "Ready for Assignment."
That is one of the best text messages I have received. No doubt the "Assigned" will still thrill me! Things are actually moving!! And I am so grateful.
I am ashamed to say that only days before this, I was not so grateful. It was last Sunday, and I got another text that said my papers were still in progress. I was frustrated. With myself. With God. Which made me more frustrated with myself! I knew inside that I needed to accept the things that I couldn't control, but I also felt "jipped." I believed (and still do, past tense is for point) in a God who would give good gifts to His children. So why wasn't he now? The whole "ask and ye shall receive, knock and it shall be opened unto you" scripture... Fractured thoughts of disappointment mingled with feelings of rejection hacked away at my happy, positive ones. Wasn't wanting to share my mission call with my family a good thing? Hadn't I waited long enough? Hadn't I been patient this whole time, and passed the tests? Shouldn't my papers be passed on through quicker, since they were already at the mission department for 5+ months? Weren't my desires to go on a mission a good thing? Didn't I receive that answer when I first started this journey?
Satan definitely knows his game. But, I know my life. I knew that these feelings of frustration and even doubt were coming from him. And that I had resources at my disposal to get rid of them. I had learned from my past not to dwell on things I couldn't change. It humbled me to ask for help, because my Pride was a factor being played with in Satan's game. But Heavenly Father's tool of Humility scored more points, strengthening my testimony. I asked my Earthly father for a blessing. I wanted to feel peace. I wanted my frustrations to dissolve away into clarity, and to know my true feelings rather than these fake-baked ideas that held no true basis in my mind anyways. I got to witness my father feeling the inspiration of the spirit at that time as he laid his hands upon my head. It was a long blessing, but he was guided to know what to say, and words he said helped me strengthen my connection to both my Heavenly and Earthly fathers. It was a truly tender mercy.
Heavenly Father then continued to humble me, as I learned the next day that my oldest brother and his family were going to be there for Thanksgiving. Remember "The Master Plan" and #7 from the 2 real post I wrote on this blog? How I wanted to introduce my family to that "Special Someone" who in reality was me, as a sister missionary? Well, I thought my plans were foiled. I wouldn't be able to tell them, and this whole time, most of them think that I am dating/engaged to one of my friends. I felt awful if they wouldn't have been able to be a part of that reveal. Mostly my guilty conscience for making them worry about me. But their Thanksgiving plans fell through. While that is sad for them in some regards, I know Heavenly Father had a hand in it. He does give good gifts to His children and He cares about me.  He loves me.
And what a great week to receive a mission call??? At ward prayer in my singles ward, we were challenged to pray a prayer of thanks each time we prayed. Another humbling experience and it really helped out in relieving my frustrations. It helped me so much to focus on the things that I did have, rather than the things I didn't. And even then, I was grateful for the things I didn't have! I have learned that with each thing that we don't have, we are actually gaining so much more than we are lacking. I am thankful for those moments that try my testimony and that give me the opportunities to learn how to strengthen them. I am thankful for mistakes so that I may learn how not to make them again. To improve and do better the next time. I am thankful for the Atonement, that I can use it constantly, and that Jesus loves me enough to go through my trials with me.

So, I feel "Ready for Assignment!" Just as I have for the past few months now. It is all in His timing. I guess His timing is right about now. I think that I am okay with that ;)

Ready to be assigned,
Future Sister Holly Howell

P.S. This just got Real! ;)
 

Wherefore Didst Thou Doubt?

Wherefore Didst Thou Doubt
The storms of life seem treacherous at times. We've grown up knowing that trials are good for us and they make us stronger, but sometimes the waves great really rough, and we get scared. Really scared. We call out, like Peter did, "If it is You, Lord...bade me come out to thee on the water---If it it's You, Lord, let me know you're really there." In a moment of faith, we step out blindly onto the water, heeding the voice that beacons to us, "Come." But, the distance seems a lot longer than we think it should be, and the wind is boisterous. Suddenly aware of the water, it begins to rise around us again, and last lingering remnants of faith send a panicked plea upward, "Help me Lord. Please save me from this deep."
And just like that, His hands, scarred from the nails at Calvary, grasp onto yours and pull you up. Some of us are required to walk on these rough waters a lot longer than others. But, despite our doubts, we can hold firmly to the truth that the hand which holds us up, is the Son of God. He must let go to test our faith, but His hands are stretched out still. We have to be the ones to walk it, but He will always be there to pull as back up as doubt and fear cause us to sink. "Of a truth, [He is] the Son of God."
Granted, sometimes we don't know why were are often required to walk on the water, rather than to float. Boats are great inventions, so why not brave the rough waters in a vessel made for braving them? Perhaps it is that true growth comes from without of our comfort zone. Perhaps the Lord is teaching us sometimes, how to swim--at the very least, He wants us to know how to dog paddle. To tread the water. To have faith that we will one day rise above laws of physics or fear that hold us down at the level of the waves.

Learning to Swim,
Future Sister Holly Howell

1 Nephi 1:1

I finished the Doctrine and Covenants a few days ago and started on the Book of Mormon again last night, this time with a study journal!
I think that 1 Nephi 1:1 is probably one of the most read scriptures of the Book of Mormon, because anyone who starts to read the Book of Mormon has to start somewhere, and that is the first verse of the entire Book of Mormon. I'm  only now fully understanding the significance of this scripture. It not only sets the scene for Nephi's journey, but for the entire Book of Mormon---and for each and every one of our lives. Break it down with me here for a few seconds.

1 I, Nephi, having been born of goodly parents, therefore I was taught somewhat in all the learning of my father; and having seen many afflictions in the course of my days, nevertheless, having been highly favored of the Lord in all my days; yea, having had a great knowledge of the goodness and the mysteries of God, therefore I make a record of my proceedings in my days.

This verse sets the stage for us in our lives. True, not all of us were born of 'goodly parents' or raised in the most opportune of circumstances. But regardless of these circumstances, we, like Nephi, can learn to look past these trials and afflictions and see the goodness and the grace of our Loving Heavenly Father. Because of His love for us, we are blessed and 'highly favored' in His sight. Nephi recognized that while hard things have to happen to us, that our Heavenly Father isn't going to let us go through it alone. Moroni was very inspired to include this verse first and foremost. 

I have definitely experienced hard times in my life. But despite all of this, I knew that Heavenly Father loved me and that "all these things would give [me] experience and be for [my] good."When I am having a bad day, or even a few of them in a row, there comes a time when I wonder why I'm still up, and why I'm still moving, and going on with my day. Depression sucks. But at the same time, the answer I receive to that question is a recollection and understanding of my faith and my hope that my life really does have a purpose, and although I can see it clearly right now (There's no white envelope addressed to me in my mail box just yet...) I know that it is out there somewhere. And that's why I'm still moving. My purpose is much more than a white envelope, though. It's all about becoming something more than I am at present. To do good with my life. To succeed in whatever life throws my way. I move slower than others at times. I don't go as fast or as successful as I wish I could. But the fact that, despite all this, I keep moving--that's what is important. To me and to my Heavenly Father. 

So,

I, Holly, having been born of goodly parents, having grown up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints; and yet having experience many afflictions and trials in the course of my days, NEVERTHELESS,

Having been highly blessed by the Lord in all of my days, I have gained a knowledge of the goodness and glories of a Loving and Merciful Heavenly Father, 

Therefore, I will make a record (in this case, a blog) of the proceedings of my days 

(leading up to, during, and following my mission) 

I really like how Nephi's testimony can be summed up in one verse, yet is powerful beyond measure. 

I'm still waiting on my call. Call me a Waitress, because I'm really good at waiting, but one day I will understand and be more grateful for this experience than I am at present. It has been good to learn patience and test my faith and rely on hope in my Heavenly Father to believe that what He is doing is best for me.

Fridays are the days that they assign mission calls, so I've heard, so tomorrow may be the day... 

Continuing in Patience,

Future Sister Holly Howell 

Pondering The Path of My Feet

I love to go on walks. There is this dirt road that I take that goes up a few hills to a cement bridge that beneath runs a canal. In the Summer I would go up there and just sit, stretch, and think about life. There were fields all around me and grassy, rolling hills. I would feel really peaceful up there. I'd look back over the valley and retrace my steps. I think it is important in life to do just that--take a step back and look at how far you've come, and then look ahead and see how far you have to go, and more importantly where you're going.
President Monson gave a wonderful talk in the October 2014 General Conference called 'Ponder the Path of Your Feet." This talk was really powerful to me, because I got the chance too look at my life again, and to reassess myself. Where did I want to go? Was I doing the things that would help me get there? I think that we should never be content with the path of our feet, because there will always be things that we can change and improve on, little directional changes to our course.
As we put our faith in our Father in Heaven, He gives us the companionship of the Holy Ghost to be a literal compass in our lives.
That being said, our path won't be easy. I have learn from experience that God's path is always going to be uphill. But I find comfort in knowing that my Savior Jesus Christ walked the paths of temptation, sorrow, pain, and discouragement, and that on my own Path, because of this, I will never walk alone. And once we reach the top, once we overcome those discouragements and hardships, we will witness blessings and vistas beyond compare.
I know this is true, and I am so grateful for my Savior. His is the path to follow. Life is a climb, but the view is greatest from the top.
Lots of Love,
Future Sister Holly Howell

P.S. Lovelies!! My Papers are Officially IN, AGAIN!! ;) Woot Woot! It's been a good, long climb, but I am on the path, and the view is in sight!