Postponement = Patience

Heavenly Father is definitely trying hard to teach me patience, as well as faith. Bishop texted me today and said that my papers are "In Process" in SLC, but not assigned at current. Honestly, that was and still is a little hard to hear. I guess at times in our lives, we see a perfect scenario playing out in our minds, where everything is going to go according to "Our Plan." But life doesn't always work out that way, and by not, it teaches us faith in our Father in Heaven, that it is going to go according to "His Plan," as it should be. For me, just to give you a glimpse of "my plan," this week would have been perfect. I don't work that many days or hours, which doesn't make me as stressed out. Next week, when I work every day, with some really long hour days in there, I will probably be a bit stressed. So not the Ideal situation.
But then I think about times on my future mission, where things are not going to go as planned. We will make appointments, and many of them will fall through. Doors will get slammed in our faces. Dogs will bark at us. I will probably stumble over my words and make a fool of myself, and feel like it's my fault in many circumstances when things go wrong. He's just preparing me. There is a quote by Sister Marjorie Pay Hinckley that I love, and is actually on the front of one of my journals, as shown below. It says, "Everything you are Learning now is Preparing you for Something Else."

I Believe in the Enabling Power of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. It gives us the ability to become something better, something, or better yet, someone that Our Heavenly Father would want us to become. He knows that there are going to be tough times ahead. I know that there are going to be tough times ahead. But what He's really teaching me right now, is to go to Him when those tough times do come. To remember that He is always there for me, To remind me to Trust in His Plan, To know that He is doing what is best for me in every circumstance, to let me know that He is mindful of me. To let Him take control of both little and big things, because He will always be there. He always is There.
So, Patience really is what they say it is--A Virtue. I am surprised that they don't add it to the list of Young Woman Values. But it is also part of the definition of Charity, the Pure Love of Christ, so that is one more thing to add to my list ;)
One more week, or maybe even two or three, but My Papers are in, and Heavenly Father knows my heart. Everything is going to be alright.

Secrets (Combination-less)

Lately, I've been keeping a lot of SECRETS! Whoopsie... but it's all for a good cause ;) Here's a list of my Pre-Mission-Call Secrets. They had to be done in order to keep this all a surprise to my Family.
1. Actually starting my papers! (My Mom knows that I can start them, and that I worked with my Bishop while I was in Ecuador to open them for me. But she doesn't know I've started them. Originally we were both keeping the secret from my Dad to surprise him, but I've lead my mom on thinking that I didn't feel ready to start them yet due to other pressing circumstances.)
2. Doing my Physical and Dental visits. (I told my mom I needed to do it since I hadn't gone since I'd been home from Ecuador and that I needed to get some check ups. I think she may have seen a paper in my car that said "Mission Physical" on it...ooops... but if she did, she may have forgotten about it. The doctors office took forever to send my "results" back to me, as I stressed to her multiple times, when really it was my paper for the Bishop. Turns out they were a bit smarter than me and actually sent them, to my Bishop. Oh well. It all worked out in the end. I think.)
3. My Counseling. (So after Ecuador, I started going to counseling with LDS Family Services. They were great and helped me so much. Since on my papers I had to be honest and tell that I have problems with depression, I asked my Counselor to write up a letter detailing what we had accomplished over the past months of counseling together and the things that I had learned along the lines coping with depression. It took a little bit of time to get a hold of my counselor, since I had stopped going to Counseling a few weeks before, but once I did, it was all down hill from there. I told my mom that I was having a bad week and needed to see if I could talk to my counselor for a bit, so it made sense I was going back in every so often.)
4. Getting my interview with the Bishop. (I told her I was getting a calling in my Singles' Ward, even though I'm not technically a part of that Ward as my records are with my homeward. Surprisingly, that day in Church, my Singles' Ward bishop pulled me aside and GAVE ME A CALLING! So God was on my side with that little fib, and I had a real calling to tell my mom after my interview with my Homeward Bishop. Crazy, but very lucky and divinely designed.)
5. Interview with my Stake President. (My mom wasn't even home when this took place, but I had a swim party right after, so I didn't even have to mention why I was wearing a dress! But had I been seen, I was wearing a very nautical outfit, so It looked like cute pool attire. And I made sure to park on the far side of the church so she wouldn't see my car in passing in case she did come home!)
6. The Mail this Week. (I took two letters that I wrote to my missionary friends to the post office under the pretense I was delivering them to be sent, which I did of course. But also, while there, I asked the Post Master to hold the mail at the post office! This way I can monitor what mail comes and goes, so we don't have the sneak accident of my parents getting the mail on a certain day of the week and finding a large White envelope addressed to me, from The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Yup, that'd would be a shocker. Haha! So the surprise factor will now be in my pocket, instead of the mail box!)
7. I plan to invite my siblings over once I get my call under the pretense of "Introducing them to Someone Special." I have a few guy friends I have gotten a bit closer to over the past couple of months (Don't worry, not THAT close!) and a few of my family members have taken notice, fortunately or unfortunately. But this can be used to my advantage, fortunately. Maybe it's a bit to far, but I'm gonna go along the lines of saying... I GOT ENGAGED!! But not really. But I'm going to talk about how this special person in my life has really helped me become a better person, and has taught me to love in a different way, and how we've been through so much together and we really feel like this is the next step in our lives.(So really, the person I am talking about here, is me! But I have a way of weirdly talking about myself in third person, so we'll see how it goes) I'll mention that I know that'd I've kept things a secret from a lot of my family members, and that some of them may have caught on to some rumors about this budding relationship of mine. (I made the ?mistake? of talking to my mom about how I really feel about some of the guys I am friends with and the ?mistake? of saying that I didn't feel like I needed a relationship in my life right now... but I don't think that it should be too big of a problem. The least she'll think is that I'm rushing into things and--who could blame her! But she'll get an even bigger surprise knowing that, I'm not really engaged! I'm GOING ON A MISSION!! Haha.) I am still working on how I can film these surprise reactions!!

Yup yup... I think that is all! Silliness, but I am getting really excited! #7 is my Game plan, but I am hoping all will go according to plan! My friends think I am crazy to wait to open my call until Sunday, but, Hey! The surprise is going to be worth it.


Lots of Love,
Future Sister Holly Howell.

Also, Check out this great talk by Elder Rasband
on How Missionaries are Called! I felt the Spirit very strong and imagined one of the General Authorities seeing my picture on the screen and listening to the Spirit of the Father to know where He has called me to go. It is such a powerful message! I love it!

The Errand of Angels

Surprise. This is it. It's official. This is the moment where the truth comes out. My Mission Papers are In!! And I am so excited! There's a quote that says Your Future is as Bright as your Faith and I must say it is feeling very bright! It has taken me a lot of faith to get where I am today. My Heavenly Father and I have grown so much closer as I have learned to put my faith in Him in any and all instances. Even the little things, I know He plays such a big part in! He is very much involved in the details of our lives, and cares so much about us individually. I know this is true, because I have seen it so many times in my life, where He practically had to yell down at me, "I AM HERE!" before I've really heard and felt Him. And now it is not that hard to miss even His softest of whispers. It is hard; I'm human and I make mistakes; but He is my Father, and I know that I am loved by Him.That is truly what it is all about!
In my interview with both my Bishop and Stake President, I was asked the question, "Why do you want to serve a mission?"
I want to serve a mission because of Love. His Love. The Love that I have been feeling everyday since I first fully realized of the reality of a Loving, ever watchful and caring Heavenly Father. I felt fragments of this love for the people who I served down in Ecuador, the people passing on the streets and the workers and the children I worked with. It was addicting. It was desirable. It was peculiar. Most importantly, it was REAL. A real Christ-like love for a people I knew nothing about. A real desire to help them, to know them, to let them become a part of something better, a desire for them to know what I knew, before I even fully knew it myself.
I want to share that love with the people I serve in.... I don't have my call yet, but wherever I am sent, I know that I can trust in my Heavenly Father to know that is where I am needed at that exact particular moment in time. So much in my life has been leading up to this crucial, pivotal moment. I've often felt at times that I am needed for so much more then what I am doing at current. I have a good strong spirit inside me, and She knows who she is better than I do, and we both feel the pull to become better, to do better.
Things I am doing now in my life AREN'T "Bad." I go to singles ward, I spend time with my friends, and I work hard and make money to provide for my basic needs. These things are good. But I could be doing so much better, and it definitely isn't my Best. It's like the Good-Better-BEST talk by Dallin H. Oaks in conference. I have best-level potential. With my Father in Heaven and my Savior Jesus Christ, I can reach that potential as I put my faith in them.
I could be getting my call in a few days...or a few weeks!! But either way it is a test of faith on my part, and definitely a lot of patience. I am ready to stop focusing on myself, and instead on other people who the Lord sees fit to place in my path. I really am so excited! Very, very, very nervous, scared to death, but excited all the same. THIS IS IT!! A YEAR AND A HALF!!
Now, all I have to do is (patiently?!) Wait...
Lots and lots of love,
Future Sister Holly Howell